Monday, September 25, 2006
I love you because...
... tonight, when you got home from work early, you didn't even hestitate to turn right back around to go pick up dinner when I asked you to. Even though you were really tired you put my needs ahead of yours and you took care of me by getting dinner. Thanks for being the best darned husband EVER!!!
One Wing In The Fire
You just never know when something is going to make you remember how much you miss someone you love. Today, when I got in the car after grocery shopping there was a song on the radio that made me catch my breath. I only caught the last chorus and verse (and a bit before that) but it was almost too eerie how much those lines echoed my deepest struggles with Dad's death. Here's the song with some comments from me:
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Updates
It's been awhile since I last posted, and much has happened in that time.
I had surgery in the middle of August on my bum. I won't go into details, but everything went well (except for me wanting to go back to work just two days afterwards - I thank God for a good surgeon and for the lack of pain).
Then work got crazy busy. After taking a week off because of the surgery I had only one week to get caught up with things and to prepare for the busiest two weeks of the year (for me). I've worked two 55+ hour weeks and things will calm down now. I'll still be working quite a bit, but not as much as that.
I've decided to go back to school! It's been several years, but I think it's time. My boss has been really supportive of the idea and I think it will make his bosses see me as more than just "support". I really do a lot more than data entry, but I often feel that that's all they see me as. This was really driven home to me about a year and a half ago when they hired someone to help us and I later found out that this new person was being considered as my boss's replacement (if he ever got run over by a bus). This was very disheartening because I was constantly having to tell the new person very basic things (and I often had to tell him the same basic things repeatedly). So I've decided to go back to school to get my master's degree in MIS. All I have to do now is fill out all the paperwork and get accepted. Can't you tell that I'm confident that I'll have no trouble getting accepted?
I am currently working on getting my craft area cleaned up. It has become a catch all area for all my "stuff". This just won't be acceptable for when I'm going to school. Not only will it stress me out to have this "pile" of stuff sitting there, but I'll want to have a space to be able to study.
Also, TheHusband and I have reworked our menus. Really he did all the work and I just agreed to his suggestions, but I did volunteer to have a "New Recipe Night" every third Saturday. We had our first one last week and I'll be posting about it soon.
I think that's it for now. I am working on a new project as well so I'll post about that later as well. I do have to get a new battery for my camera so it may be awhile.
I had surgery in the middle of August on my bum. I won't go into details, but everything went well (except for me wanting to go back to work just two days afterwards - I thank God for a good surgeon and for the lack of pain).
Then work got crazy busy. After taking a week off because of the surgery I had only one week to get caught up with things and to prepare for the busiest two weeks of the year (for me). I've worked two 55+ hour weeks and things will calm down now. I'll still be working quite a bit, but not as much as that.
I've decided to go back to school! It's been several years, but I think it's time. My boss has been really supportive of the idea and I think it will make his bosses see me as more than just "support". I really do a lot more than data entry, but I often feel that that's all they see me as. This was really driven home to me about a year and a half ago when they hired someone to help us and I later found out that this new person was being considered as my boss's replacement (if he ever got run over by a bus). This was very disheartening because I was constantly having to tell the new person very basic things (and I often had to tell him the same basic things repeatedly). So I've decided to go back to school to get my master's degree in MIS. All I have to do now is fill out all the paperwork and get accepted. Can't you tell that I'm confident that I'll have no trouble getting accepted?
I am currently working on getting my craft area cleaned up. It has become a catch all area for all my "stuff". This just won't be acceptable for when I'm going to school. Not only will it stress me out to have this "pile" of stuff sitting there, but I'll want to have a space to be able to study.
Also, TheHusband and I have reworked our menus. Really he did all the work and I just agreed to his suggestions, but I did volunteer to have a "New Recipe Night" every third Saturday. We had our first one last week and I'll be posting about it soon.
I think that's it for now. I am working on a new project as well so I'll post about that later as well. I do have to get a new battery for my camera so it may be awhile.
I love you because...
... you not only made "juice" the other day, but you did the dishes as well. Not only that, but instead of calling attention to your helpfulness you totally let me find it myself instead of "demanding" credit for it. Love you and your helpfulness, Sweetie!
Friday, September 15, 2006
Cracks
The sod of hard worked fields lies embedded
in cracks caused by hours in the summer sun.
The same cracks marked the face of his only son
with a force that left his eyes reddened and wet
with tears. His son cannot wash the dirt
from those unearned cracks. His hands, farmer's hands,
are tough and hug the grains like precious sands
in an hourglass. He can not wash the hurt
from his son's eyes, eyes that will not foregive
the nights lived in fear of making noise.
Eyes that are crazed from living on the brink
of love and approval. Now they live
without the memory of children's toys.
Dreams wash down the drain of an old cracked sink.
**Author's note: Have been super busy at work. This is another of my poems from college.
in cracks caused by hours in the summer sun.
The same cracks marked the face of his only son
with a force that left his eyes reddened and wet
with tears. His son cannot wash the dirt
from those unearned cracks. His hands, farmer's hands,
are tough and hug the grains like precious sands
in an hourglass. He can not wash the hurt
from his son's eyes, eyes that will not foregive
the nights lived in fear of making noise.
Eyes that are crazed from living on the brink
of love and approval. Now they live
without the memory of children's toys.
Dreams wash down the drain of an old cracked sink.
**Author's note: Have been super busy at work. This is another of my poems from college.
I love you because...
... you are humble and don't take credit for things you didn't do. Just last night I asked if you had put the dishes away. Your response was "I was going to do the dishes but I didn't have time", when you easily could have taken credit for my thinking you had cleaned up in the kitchen (as it turned out it was only me hallucinating).
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Crushed
We get to town, and I call SIL2, to find out where everyone is. It is after eleven o’clock and it is my hope that they have left whatever is left of the house. SIL2 says that everyone is at their apartment and I get directions (I haven’t been to their new place yet).
When we get there, mom is trying to rest and my brothers are in the living room. They try to fill me in as best they can. I want to go to Mom, but I can’t yet face her. Some things are just too hard and I feel guilty about the relief I felt that she was not in the house. It is after midnight when TheHusband finally tells me to go see Mom.
As I enter the dark room I can hear her sniffling, barely able to contain her sobs. My eyes adjust to the darkness and I see her lying on my niece’s twin bed. “Mom?” I whisper. She reaches out to me and I take her hand as I kneel next to the bed.
“What do I do?” she asks, and I am crushed by the enormity of all that has happened. She has always been my rock, but now she is turning to me to help her through this. Her world has shattered and she needs me to help her pick up the pieces. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this. I haven’t learned everything she had to teach me yet.
“I don’t know. But we get through this one day, one hour, one minute at a time. And we pray, we pray for strength and healing.” I don’t say we pray for understanding, because I know that will never come. “We remember the good things and let past hurts be forgotten,” easier said than done I think, “and we hold on to one another and God.” There is no other way through this.
Despite my words, I am unsure of how we will make it through this. This woman has lost her whole life in just a couple of hours: her husband of forty years and her home, both gone. And I am lost because she is lost.
When we get there, mom is trying to rest and my brothers are in the living room. They try to fill me in as best they can. I want to go to Mom, but I can’t yet face her. Some things are just too hard and I feel guilty about the relief I felt that she was not in the house. It is after midnight when TheHusband finally tells me to go see Mom.
As I enter the dark room I can hear her sniffling, barely able to contain her sobs. My eyes adjust to the darkness and I see her lying on my niece’s twin bed. “Mom?” I whisper. She reaches out to me and I take her hand as I kneel next to the bed.
“What do I do?” she asks, and I am crushed by the enormity of all that has happened. She has always been my rock, but now she is turning to me to help her through this. Her world has shattered and she needs me to help her pick up the pieces. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this. I haven’t learned everything she had to teach me yet.
“I don’t know. But we get through this one day, one hour, one minute at a time. And we pray, we pray for strength and healing.” I don’t say we pray for understanding, because I know that will never come. “We remember the good things and let past hurts be forgotten,” easier said than done I think, “and we hold on to one another and God.” There is no other way through this.
Despite my words, I am unsure of how we will make it through this. This woman has lost her whole life in just a couple of hours: her husband of forty years and her home, both gone. And I am lost because she is lost.
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