Do Not Be Offended (Part 3)

In Part 1 I talked about what started me thinking about people finding offense where none was intended.

In Part 2 I wrote about a situation where Christians do this very thing during the Christmas season.

“And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace.” – James 3:18

So what do we do when we hear or see “Happy Holidays”? Well, first, let’s figure out if there really is any offense to be taken (and please don’t intentionally be nit picky about a situation to find offense). It’s usually pretty easy to tell and in about 99% percent of the cases (at least in my experience) there are only good intentions at the root of the greeting or farewell.

When we see it in advertising or some other generic type place (such as an end of year thank you some companies mail to their customers or employees) let’s keep things in context. A business which really appreciates its customers and/or employees and wants those customers to continue spending money (or wants their employees to continue to work hard) is not going to intentionally try to offend them. So a “Happy Holidays” in that context is an attempt to be as inclusive as possible without having to deal with the many societal and legal issues which can arise when you ask someone (especially an employee) what religion, if any, they practice.

When it’s on a more personal level, one individual to another, again, please keep things in context. For starters, how well does the person saying “Happy Holidays” really know you? I may talk to the drive thru guy at Taco Bell about once a week, but the only thing he really knows about me is the kind of car I drive, that I like a side of sour cream with my Fiesta Potatoes, and I always say thank you. Also, how many other people does the speaker come in contact with each day? They may just say “Happy Holidays” out of habit (I refer to the Taco Bell drive thru guy again) because they say it so many times each day.

If there is no offense intended, then your reaction can simply be to say Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas (nobody says you can’t say it in response to a “Happy Holiday”) in return.

A person’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense.” – Proverbs 19:11

And what do we do on those extremely infrequent occasions where an offense is clearly meant by “Happy Holidays”? I say don’t take the bait. Overlook the “offense” and accept it with grace and love. Respond with grace and love. Now you don’t have to listen to me if you don’t want to, but there are plenty of biblical references to back me up on this:

• “Do not take revenge or bear a grudge against members of your community, but love your neighbor as yourself: I am Yahweh.” – Leviticus 19:18 (HCSB)
• “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, accepting one another in love, diligently keeping the unity of the Spirit with the peace that binds us.” – Ephesians 4:3-3 (HCSB) 
• “Don’t pay attention to everything people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you, for you know that many times you yourself have cursed others.” – Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 (HCSB) (other translations have “Do not take to heart all the things that people say. . . “) 
• “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (HCSB) (I have also seen the “is not provoked” section written as “takes no offense” but I can’t find a specific translation with that version)
• “So then, we must pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another.” - Romans 14:19
• “But I tell you, don’t resist an evil doer. On the contrary, if anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” – Matthew 5:39 (HCSB)

And those I’ve used previously in this series: Proverbs 10:12, James 3:18, Proverbs 19:11

Clearly, the message here is to love each other. Even those who mean to “offend” us. We are not supposed to keep track of offenses or hold a grudge, or try to get even. We are meant to LOVE and live in peace and patience with each other. Please, during this Christmas season, share the love God gave to us when he sent his Son to earth. Do not take offense at “Happy Holidays”, do not harden any hearts or minds to the love of Jesus by negatively responding to those simple words which are often meant as heartfelt good wishes.

And, Merry Christmas to all. (Even if you don’t believe in Christ, I wish you nothing but peace and joy.)

Do Not Be Offended (Part 2)

(In Part 1 I talked about what started me thinking about people finding offense where none was intended.
In Part 3 I talk about how we can respond to "offenses".)

“In fact, all those who want to live a godly life in Jesus Christ will be persecuted.”  - 2 Timothy 3:12

So the sentiment I started seeing that made me realize Christians were taking offense where none was intended was this:

“It’s not Happy Holidays, it’s Merry Christmas”

When I started seeing this message this Christmas season, the thoughts I was having about taking offense where none was intended suddenly had a whole new meaning. We Christians have been doing this exact thing. For years!

 I know there are people who vehemently believe that the retailers and individuals who use the phrase “Happy Holidays” are intentionally trying to put down or squash Christianity. While there may very well be some instances where that is the case, I don’t believe there is a widespread conspiracy. In fact I believe it’s really more of a recognition that the United States has fulfilled the dream of religious freedom for all people that our founding fathers (and by this I mean the men and women who fled from religious persecution by sailing across an ocean in WIND powered boats) imagined. There are quite a number of holidays and winter festivals (Hanukkah, Ramadan – on occasion, Christmas, a variety of Solstice celebrations/festivals, Kwanzaa, etc.) that take place during the months of December and January.

In order not to offend anybody (and to not break the bank with the cost of printing ads for all those different holidays) retailers use “Happy Holidays”. Also, it’s not always easy to determine if a person celebrates a particular holiday, especially if you’re in Minnesota bundled up in your winter attire (hat, gloves, heavy coat, scarves, etc), or in your car at the drive thru window. So what’s a person to do? Ask every individual they meet which holiday, if any, they celebrate? That’s ridiculously impractical, so they say Happy Holidays.

Despite the logic of people using the phrase “Happy Holidays”, Christians are still finding offense in it and I don’t understand why. Maybe someone else can explain it to me. During this time that is supposed to be a celebration of the love God showed to us by sending his son to us, shouldn't we be accepting these well wishes with grace and in the spirit in which they are intended?

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe Christians are, and Christianity is, being attacked in very real ways. I just don’t believe the use of “Happy Holidays” is one of those ways. The energy we waste on this topic could be used in much better ways. Also, the negative emotions (hostility, anger, hurt, etc) that emanate from the people who take offense to these words do nothing to share God’s love. In fact, it does the opposite and closes hearts and minds (because in a lot of cases the person who originally said "Happy Holidays" with no ill intent is now hurt/offended that you took it as having ill intent)..

An offended brother is harder to reach than a fortified city, and quarrels are like the bars of a fortress. – Proverbs 18:19 (HCSB)

Is that really what we want to do? Make spreading the word of God’s love and salvation even harder? I can’t speak for anyone else, but as for me and my house, we say heck no!

So what do we do when we hear or see “Happy Holidays”? Well, apparently, I will share my opinions on that in part three. (Seriously, when I started writing this I had no idea I would have so much to say. I just pray that my words and thoughts on this subject are pleasing to God and that He is the one who is inspiring them).

Do Not Be Offended (Part 1)

Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses.  - Proverbs 10:12 HCSB

A couple of weeks ago I watched a story online about a man who had donated a bag of clothes and shoes to a Goodwill store in Texas. Unbeknownst to the man, his wife had hidden their life savings of $3300 in one of the shoes he had donated. A worker at the Goodwill found the money in the shoe when he started to arrange the items on shelves. The worker reported his find to his manager and they set the money aside, just in case someone came looking for it. A few days later the wife of the man who donated the shoes came into the Goodwill store and was able to claim the money after she answered a few questions.

That’s the way things are supposed to work, right? Somebody finds something that may have been lost and they set it aside so the proper owner can claim it. Yes, that’s the way it’s supposed to work, but we all know this world isn’t perfect and is filled will things/acts/sins that shouldn’t happen. No one was with the Goodwill worker when he found the money and he could have easily just put it in his pocket and no one would have known about it.

But, he didn’t. He did the right thing and in the online comments of this story many people were praising him for his honesty and integrity. One commenter left a message saying “May God bless you for your honesty.”, and another commenter’s response to that message puzzled me and started the gears going in my head. They responded by saying something along the lines of, “Keep God out of this. God has nothing to do with it. How do you know that the person wouldn’t be offended by you asking your God to bless him?”

The response confused me. How could anyone be offended by a heartfelt sentiment of good wishes for their well being? Even if you don’t believe in the God, deity, spirit, concept, etc. that the person is using to express their desire for your well being; you can still accept their sentiment in the spirit in which it was given.  Why would you look for offense where none was intended?

Those were the thoughts and questions going through my head when I started seeing a certain sentiment being shared on the internet. It was a sentiment that I have seen each Christmas season for many years. In fact, I must admit, it is a sentiment that I once believed myself until I did a little research on the history of Christmas (which is a great subject for another post). What is that sentiment?

You’ll have to wait for my next post, because this post is already getting long. . .

(If you haven't figured it out already, don’t worry, I won’t leave you hanging for long. The next post is already written, mostly.)

Hi there!

Hey there! I know, I've been MIA here at the blog, but I'm back. Well, at least I'm trying to be back. In case you're wondering, I've got some good reasons and some not real reasons for why I've been away. So to catch you up with what I've been doing lately I'll just bullet point a few things that have been going on since the last time I blogged.

• Celebrated my Grandma's 90th birthday by going to her birthday party/family reunion.
• TheHusband and I had our pictures taken by our SIL (Brother3's wife). She's an amazing photographer and we can't wait to see the rest of the pictures.
• I went through physical therapy for my lower back, and it was AMAZING! I can not say enough great things about my physical therapists or how much the therapy has helped me.
• I made a super cute gift basket as a thank you to my therapists. (I haven't been able to this kind of "crafting" in quite some time because of the pain in my lower back, so I was super excited to do this. And by "this" I mean you should look at the picture at the bottom of this post).
• The usual work, work, work thing.
• I've made a little progress in transforming our guest room into a crafty area for me. This is something I hope to get wrapped up sometime in the next couple of weeks, because as TheHusband pointed out, if it's not done before the start of September it probably won't get done until after Christmas (because of all the work, work, work I have to do at work in the Fall).
• Been having some CrAzY weird dreams. And just so you know when I say "some" I mean almost every night and when I say "CrAzY weird" I really mean "CrAzY weird sometimes bizarre" dreams. The kind that are intense and both physically and mentally exhausting. There are some days I think I need a nap just to recover from the previous night's sleep, except I have these weirdo dreams when I nap too!
• And last, but not least, I've been driving TheAnnabelle and TheDexter crazy because that's just fun to do.

Anyway, that's what I've been up to these past few weeks. I have a few ideas rolling around my head for some upcoming posts, in the mean time I will leave you with this:

My technique needs a little work (I'm a little out of practice),
but not to shabby. The basket includes dark chocolate and white
chocolate lollipops, chocolate covered pretzels and
toffee mint chocolate chuck brownies.

My Reaction to "Middle class trading 'I do' for 'maybe later'"

This article in the Lifestyle section of today's StarTribune has me all fired up, and since I try not to feed the comment trolls on the paper's website (they can be incredibly vicious and cruel) I decided to do a little venting here. Anyone is welcome to comment, as long as you keep the conversation civil.

Honestly, I don't know where to start with this so I'm just going to give a quote from the article and then explain why it bugs the heck out of me. Just to warn you, there are several quotes so this may be a longer post.

"Not feeling that pressure gives me the opportunity to focus on my career and have more great life experiences I might not be able to have if I was in a serious relationship." - Becca Bijoch, 25 (in response to not feeling societal pressure to marry).

Apparently, the ability to have great life experiences stops when you are in a serious relationship. What?!? While it may be more difficult to drop everything at the spur of the moment to take some crazy fun vacation or to switch cities when you are promoted/change jobs it doesn't mean you can't do those things. "Great life experiences" can be even greater because you overcome the challenges and are often even sweeter when you have someone to share them with and reminisce about them with.

"I've got about a million things to dedicate financial resources to before I can even think about buying an engagement ring or paying for a wedding," said Micheal Foley, 32, a website editor in Hudson, Wis. "Taking the best thing in the world -- love -- and turning it into a legal obligation isn't worth ruining your financial future over. I love my girlfriend and I hope to one day give her the wedding she deserves, but not at the expense of our financial well-being afterward."

Mr. Foley (and everyone else waiting to get married until they can afford a wedding), marriage is a lot more than a "legal obligation" and if you could get past the idea of spending tons of cash (so much that you could ruin your financial future) on a lavish wedding perhaps you would see that. If more people would spend the same amount of time/money/energy on looking at what their marriage is going to be like as they spend planning the perfect "wedding", marriages would be so much stronger. (And fewer people would think that their opportunity for great life experiences ends at the alter).

"These are not the 'oopsies,' the 15-year-olds who didn't know any better," said William Doherty, professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. "It's more like women are saying, 'This guy isn't marriage material, but he's good enough to have a child with, so it wouldn't be the end of the world if I got pregnant.'"

Yes, I commented about this quote on Facebook already, but I think it bears repeating (especially for those of you who can't see what I posted on Facebook. This quote just begs me to ask, really? Is that the message you want to give your kids about their dad? Oh, he wasn't good enough for me but he's okay for you. What the heck?!?

Also, a good friend brought up another good point. She said "Are ladies so spoiled that they think men have to be perfect before they marry them? Men are good enough to give 'em a baby but not anything more? And we accuse men of objectifying women?! Wow." What a great point, Nancy.

One reason is the premium that couples place on maintaining their independence, financially and psychologically.

Many see marriage more as a way to split expenses than pool resources, according to The Marriage Project study. High divorce rates tell them to plan for the worst and to be ready to support themselves if needed. -a quote made in regards to couples who wait to get married because of financial reasons

Why do people spend so much more time and energy on their contingency plans (making sure they can support themselves if the marriage doesn't work out) than they spend on making their marriages work out? I believe that part (not all, but part) of the reason there is such a high rate of divorce is because so many people are planning to fail rather than planning to succeed. Yes, marriage is work, hard work, but if you spend more time preparing to fail you are more than likely going to fail. This is true with just about anything in life.

D'Angelo (a marriage and family therapist) put it this way: "Marriage is seen less as a journey and more as a destination. And that concerns me because it is the journey and not the destination."

Okay, so this is a quote that I mostly agree with. I think TheHusband said it better though when he said "Marriage is both the journey AND the destination."

A common thread among those postponing marriage is resistance to settling for less than the ideal.

Today's young adults, raised by ever-bolstering parents, believe they can achieve what they desire if they put forth some effort, Doherty said. They see no reason to lower their expectations just because they haven't found someone who measures up.

I believe the above statement is further evidence of the ever increasing sense of entitlement we, as a society, are teaching to younger generations. There isn't anyone on the planet who is "ideal". We are all flawed human beings with cracks, bad habits, and blemishes. Can we work on those things, absolutely, but if you are waiting for someone who is "ideal" you are going to be waiting a long time. Finding someone who loves and accepts you for you (cracks, bad habits, blemishes and all) is what you should be looking for.

He worries about how easily a desire to marry post-children will be fulfilled, given the logistics of co-mingling their various attachments. -William Doherty, professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota.

Many of the women highlighted in this article indicated a desire to find a husband once their children were older or grown. I too wonder how "easy" this will be for them, especially those who are still looking for the "ideal" person. If they aren't willing to bend and grow with a person now, how much harder will it be for them in 10 to 20 years when they have firmly established life patterns and beliefs? How much more difficult will those marriages be when they have to deal with blending families and traditions?

I'm going to get off my soapbox now. Getting that off my chest has been very good for me, and now I can go spend time with TheHusband without having all that stuff banging around inside my head. Thanks so much for bearing with me, and as I said before, please feel free to leave your comments.